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tardedbeard

get out of my house
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Optimus pawn 7

5 min read
The moon began to rise outside the research center. As usual, Bulkhead was the last one there. He always had to clean up the labs at the end of the day because the projects were so high up the chain that they didn't hire janitors for fear of information getting out. Just as the door was shutting behind him, his comm buzzed.

“Bulkhead, how are you? It’s me.” It was Prowler. “PROWL!? Where in the name of the allspark have you been? It's been deca-cycles since you called!”

“I’ve been...busy. Where are you?”

“I’m still at work, but you can't visit you know. If you want to hang out or something I could meet you at Maccadam’s.”

“Ok, maybe tomorrow, or next week… See you.” the line went dead on Bulkhead. “Well that was rude.” he said to himself.


 “So, where is he?”

“First off, why do you want to know?”

Lockdown inclined his neck down to face the mech, “well it’s not to kill him if that's what you're worried about, a client wants to schedule an appointment with your buddy and I was paid to accommodate. Happy? Now I'm going to need his location.”

Prowler sighed and blurted out “He’s on his way home from work.” Lockdown spaced out to read his HUD, mumbling about “the fastest route” as he did so. Prowler thought he looked like a crazy old engine block. Lockdown snatched Prowler’s arm and shot down the street. Prolwer hated to drive down standard-mode only streets, but when an intergalactically wanted killer tells you to break a traffic law you comply without hesitation. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Lockdown skidded out onto the main road Prowler following close behind as he darted in and out of lanes. He shredded a few treads on neighboring drivers with the spikes that covered his alt. “So they weren't just for decoration” Prowler thought to himself. “Get your ninja-aft up here!” Prowler accelerated up to him throwing off a few late night commuters in the procces.

“What does this mech look like?”

“What?”

“ You know, tank-alt? Two-wheeler? Cruiser?” “Green tanker.”

“Good.” Prowler directed his attention forward and saw it. The giant green aft of Bulkhead. Space bridge engineer extraordinaire.

“Oh.” Prowler moaned. “What now?”

 Lockdown didn't say anything but just cruised on up behind the behemoth. All Prowler could do was follow. Traffic tried to merge a few time but Lockdown would just tailgate right behind him. “Hey uh… what are you doing?” Bulkhead had finally acknowledged the stalker on the street behind him, but he just kept quiet. Bulkhead turned off into a residential area and switched back to standard mode, Lockdown just cruised in behind him. Still in alt mode. “Don’t transform.” he said. Prowler flanked his old friend, still in alt-mode. “What do you want from me? Money? I have money, not a lot but take it.”

“I don't need your money, I need you to follow me and my partner here to somewhere a bit more private.”

“Lock-”

“SHUT UP. He’ll recognise your voice, just whisper into the comm.”

“ there are camera’s and witnesses everywhere. Maybe if I transform and pretend that it was all a prank, then we can take him to your ship and say we’re going to a bar on another planet for a party that another friend is hosting.”

“ sounds like a plan.” Lockdown stated loudly. He transformed and stepped towards the frightened engineer. Bulkhead took a step back’ Lockdown sneered. “Surprise!” he pointed behind Bulkhead at Prowler. Prowler transformed and held out his arms for an embrace. “Prowl!? What is going on here?” Prowler played the part and began to laugh heartily. “Ha ha ha, oh the look on your face, rich.”

“Wow, Prowl. You’ve really changed. A prank is more Bumblebee's thing.”

“It was actually my friend’s idea.”

“Oh,the scary one?”

“Do you see anyone else?” Lockdown growled. Bulkhead jumped.

“Don’t do that. Please. Who are you anyway? Lock-something, right?”

“Locktop, good to meet you.” He held out his hook, took it back and held out his servo. Bulkhead shook it, tentatively.

“So, uh what prompted this impromptu prank?”

Prowler walked around bulkhead to face him, “Optimus invited us to get a drink with him at ‘the blue comet’ he said his friends are having a party. It's in nebulous 3 so brought Locktop along to give us a ride. You up for it?”

“ well, it was a long day at work. And I don't have to be in until after lunch tomorrow. I guess it couldn't hurt.”

“Nice, c'mon the ship isn't too far.”

      When they arrived at the ship bulkhead started to ask questions. “So how did you guys meet?”

Lockdown chuckled, “ we were at a bar and this guy here bailed me out of an awkward date with a young freak. Oh, Prowl, could you go check the trophy room? I seem to have left my keys somewhere.”

Prowler slumped out of the room.

“Nice ship, customized?”

“Yeah, I call her ‘death’s head’. Hey wanna see my EMP generator?” but before bulkhead could respond he was out like a light

“Okay Prowler, now help me drag him in there. This bot is heavy.”
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Optimus pawn 6

5 min read
  Some people just have all the luck, not this mech. When dancing with a spider you have to be careful not to get bit. But when you’re dancing with a bounty hunter you have to make sure not to follow him home lest you wake up without an arm or leg. It seemed that's what she wanted-for some reason.  But he wasn't some mom and pop store that accepted favors, what was she at? She leaned forward into his AR, he flicked her away with his neck spikes and just scowled at her. She returned the look,

“ I'm guessing you don't take favors.”
“ no one ever keeps them, they either lie about keeping it or they get killed by someone else.”
“ All right, name your price.”
“ Depends.”
“ On what?”
“ Who’s the target?”
“ An engineer named Bulkhead, don't know his location but I need him online.”
he growled at himself “ I don't know if I can do online, would mortally wounded work for you?”
“ Don't flatter yourself. If you can't do it there’s always the newbies.”
“ I was kidding, kidnapped and incapacitated- that's what you want isn't it? Cause it'll cost you 70 million.”
“ Seems a little steep.”
“ I could change the price drastically if you let me keep some trophies. Is an arm too much to ask for?”
“ Yes actually, you can keep his weapons and vehicular armor. Nothing more.”
“ Not even an optic?”
“ Take it or leave it.”
“ Well that would bring your cost down to 70 thousand, I just really love my trophies you know?”
“ you and every other mech in the universe.”
Lockdown threw his head back and laughed loudly “ Such wise words for a techno-organic mutant like yourself.”
“ I'm getting bored of dancing with an old mech like you.”
     “Old!?” she twirled out his reach and picked up a young two-wheeler at the bar. Lockdown had no choice but to follow after her. He hunkered down on the stool next to her “ We aren't finished, you and I. We still have to talk about the specifics, where to drop him, special instructions, due date, witnesses or no. Things like that.” the two wheeler leaned forwards, his gold trim reflected the red glow of his optics. “You're Lockdown!”“ Really I had no idea. Now listen here you mutant- what do you want?” she put her head in her servos “ No witnesses, get him tomorrow, further instruction will be given once you have him. Here's my info.” she handed him a data card. She stood up and walked out of the bar.
     The two-wheeler just sat there with his jaw slack. “What? Oh right, I'm Lockdown. Best bounty hunter in the galaxy.” “More like best in the universe, this is… insane!”
“listen here kid, you seem cool so I'm going to give some advice; aft sucking gets you nowhere, so just chill out. Just pretend like you already know me, it'll boost your status.”
“Okay. So, what have you been up to lately?”
Lockdown picked up Blackarachnia's drink. “Drinking...” he took a sip of her drink “slag, I've been drinking slag.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“ It's a living. What's your name kid?”
“Prowler, it sounds kind of stupid though.”
“Not as stupid as the guy who decided that making a techno-organic was a good idea.”
“You really hate that femme don't you?”
“and you don't? I mean just look at that freak, you aren't blind are you?”
“ no but I was taught not to judge people based on their appearance.”
“ Who taught you that?”
“Master Yoketron.”
“Oh, no way. He was my master too! Did you hear what happened to him?”
“I saw it with my own optics.” Lockdown spit out the drink he'd stolen from the guy next to him “ Did you uh… see the bot that did it?” he chuckled nervously.
“No, but when I found out who did it I'm going to personally defrag his hardware.”
“Well, uh whoever it was sent me Yoketron’s helmet. The sick scraplette.”
“You have his helmet!?”
“ Yeah, in kind of a sick and twisted way I'm glad they gave it to me. I was rather fond of it.”
“ what about the bot himself?”
“ Mm, not a fan. Good guy but he was really strict I respected him. Didn't like him though.”
“hmm. When were you his student?”
“all right, honestly I'm a pretty old mech; been around since the great war and I trained with Yoketron long before the war started. I was one of his earlier students.”
“ you're nearly as old as ratchet.”
“ wait, who?”
“Oh I have a friend named ratchet.”
“Is he a doctor with ahh..” Lockdown gestured to his chin “blue..?”
“Oh yes that's him. How do you know him?”
“ahh, we met during the war, once. We kinda had a fight, I'm the one who busted his chevron y’know.”
“ well that's besides the point, what was with you and that spider-femme?”
“Business. She's paying me to kidnap some bot, wanna get ‘'im with me? It could be fun.”
“Sure, do you know where we can find him?”
“Yeah, he's a government funded engineer. Those guys are on file, c’mon” Lockdown stood and Prowler followed, oblivious.
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Optimus Pawn 5

3 min read
   Jazz music was the only Jazz he knew now, speaking of which there was some swaying through the bar at that moment. He had changed, you'd recognize him, but he'd look funny. A gun for a shoulder and a few more decals; bounty-hunter culture wasn't something a bounty-hunter could forget. He rolled his foot to the melody and re-read the message from his new client.

"3rd table from the door, the one w/ the bite marks on it"

     Why were there bite marks on it? A small bot sat down at the table across from him, she held a large glass of triple-distilled high-octane energon in her servo. 
"Hi, I'm Roasanna. You must be prowler."
Prowler looked at her drink "How can a small bot like you stand that?"
"Battery packs take off most of the kick but really I just need to unwind after a long day of preforming. You have heard of me, yes?"
"No, and the less I know the better- who's the target?"
Rosanna took a massive sip of her drink, "So quick, right to the point- glad I hired you. Ok but first of all, I want you to stow the body somewhere for later-"
"Why?"
"I'm getting to that. Take his ship and sell it to this bot," she handed him and ID card "I trust him to get noticed. He'll also distract the police. I'll contact you when I need the body and what to do with it."
"What?"
"I took the liberty of tagging his ship, but I'm just not strong enough to do the dirty work myself."
"Who do you want me to kill!?"
"Well, like you said earlier," she paused to take a gargantuan sip "the less you know the better."
    
     Prowler put his servo to his chest plate and stared at this... CHILD (?) in horror and wonderment. His scowl shot at her and bounced off her pink face as she carefully sipped half the glass down. He shook his head and walked away, "I'll do it, but in a little while. There's something I have to do. I'll send you my bill later." He moseyed out the back door and pulled up his contact list on his HUD, "Prime". He selected it and waited. Oddly enough someone else picked up the line. That shouldn't happen, unless he was in a med-bay of sorts. "This is kaput speaking, what is the nature of your call and I'll tell your friend you called." Prowler stopped cold, he stammered then spoke.

     "Uh, this is... Prowl, and um- tell him..... tell him to call me ba- no actually don't tell him that, in fact tell him not to call me back but that I would call him back when I- if I....um if, if I get back. But tell him not to worry since I'm in such a position that it's very likely that I will get back, and if I don't, he'll get the message." The nurse on the line didn't speak for a while, " I'll just play the recording back for him then, now you did want to talk to Optimus Pawn? correct?" Prowler paused, "I would... well, yes." He hung up quickly, and let his mind take him.
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Optimus pawn 4

5 min read
   "Listen Optimus, I could give you a new name to go buy if you wanted. Heck it took me 5 name-changes to get it right. I once went by 'Pyramid' as in pyramid scheme. It was confusing name to explain so I changed it." Optimus looked around the large hangar, "Well swindle does fit you better than pyramid. What are we doing here?" Swindle spun on his heel, "That my fine prodigy is an excellent question that I am not at liberty to answer." He turned around and continued to amble between the rows of gleaming cruisers. The chrome nose-cones on some fighter ships stabbed menacingly at them as they passed, after about 3 minutes of walking in mild silence the rows gave way to an open area w/ 2 offices on either side. In the center was a spectacular jet in a large blue-tinted case. It's fins arched over it's exhaust, the wings were folded up and beautifully magnificent in size and style. A rugged looking bot strolled out of the office, he hunched over a data card in his massive claws, massive engines on his shoulders had decepticon symbols stamped on them. "Swindle?" He chirped, his voice was oddly pleasant. It was deep but light w/ cheer, Optimus wanted to trust him but.... he was so unnerving.
    "Yep, how you been Blackout? You still got those processor aches?" Blackout sighed, "Yeah, but my doc-bot's been helpin' me. Gave me this and told me to lay off the alt-mode designing." He pulled out a small bottle w/ a prescription on the side. It was from Red alert. She was a good bot, Optimus didn't care what anybot said on the contrary. "I got one of the nerds at the scientific union to help me w/ this." He pointd at the jet in the case "Wheeljack I think his name was? Anyway I sketched it out and he made the blueprints, but I got the patent." Blackout beamed w/ pride; or beamed as well as his face allowed. "I call her 'the has-been', pretty cool huh?" Swindle nodded approvingly "Sadly not my style, too high-class for me. Are you sure you designed it? Looks like the work of primus to me." Blackout blushed "Oh please, it was nothing, just my masterpiece." "But about the 25 delta-cruisers," Blackout snapped to attention "Ah yes! Sorry, got a little side-tracked," He held up the card and read the words displayed. "That will be... 8,000 credits, I gave you a frequent customer discount." He handed swindle the card, "Well now, that's very kind of you- but I already planned on spending 20,000 credits at the very least. So how much for three scans of 'The Has-been'?" Blackout grinned a silly little smile "For you, the total would come to 20,000 credits." "You're too kind Blackout, too kind and too skilled for your own good." Blackout smiled, "Oh hey, who's this?" he said pointing to Optimus. "How should I know," said Swindle "he won't tell me his name." "It's Optimus p-" He fumbled. "Optimus what? Optimus Pawn?" "Yeah, Optimus Pawn sounds good. But for real, how are we going to ship all these ships to wherever they're going?" Swindle once more spun on his heel, "Blackout will ship them to us, no biggie." they took 3 scan files and paid for the ships before they left, "So, Optimus pawn is it?"
"Shut up."
"No no, it suits you, you wear the name well."
Optimus glared at him "I dont like it."
"Why not? Oh right, you were hoping to be a prime and you flunked out because your buddy guilt-tripped you into fessing up by blaming you for Elita-one's death. Listen-"
Optimus spun on him "WHAT OF IT!?"
Swindle put up his palms in a placating gesture "Optimus, I'm not trying to pick at old wounds here, I'm just trying to shed light on a helpful situation. By changing your name, you've started to move away from your guilt-filled life, am I right? Don't you feel better already? Doesn't just the thought of a new life excite you? Tell me Optimus, no -not Optimus- Pawn, tell me Pawn; how do you feel?"
Optimus shook his head, something wasn't right with that question and he didn't know what it was.
"I feel... overwhelmed. Can we not talk about this right now?"
Swindle spread his servos wide "Of course, of course I can understand." He stopped and pointed.
    Ahead of them was an "alt-mode only zone" sign, and a cop. "Follow my lead." Optimus stuck out his hand to stop him from what ever he was about to do, and got his servo pinched between Swindle's armor."FRAGGING SPAWN OF A SLAG EATING GLITCH!" He tried to pull out his servo but it was stuck,"Optimus? What happened?" Swindle revved his engine and tried to transform into robot mode, he too was stuck. The cop bolted towards  them shouting for a med-bot over his comm-frequency, "Are you ok!?" He shouted at them. "Im stuck but my...f.."

That was all Optimus caught before passing out.
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beastly 11

1 min read
this week has just been, oh lord. ok so- we stayed w/ the natives for a while and then theo and me decided to go back to my village and tell the ppl there that theo was friendly, and since the natives were convinced that we were nice why wouldn't the townspeople? so we got there and they nearly killed theo, i told them he was harmless, but did they listen? NO! jerks. so we ran away into the forest and theo wants me to come live w/ him in his home cave, so i am. we planned that i would fly back to my house very night as a duck and take some of my stuff and bring it to the cave, so far we have my blankets, books, and some of my clothes. my parents seem not to have noticed. tonight i am planning to take all my plushes too. we gonna have fun, we'll i gotta go to bed.
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